For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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