Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
