I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
