you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
50% drunk capacity currently
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
