I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
