Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
