Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
