if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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