small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
me + whiskey = a bad person
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
