omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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