I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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