My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
