Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
