come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I smell like Dick and happiness
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
