I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm getting married
To pizza
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
