I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
