Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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