What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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