Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
