im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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