you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
