i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
