First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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