Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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