I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
