8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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