He uses pillows to masturbate.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
