i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
