Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This baby is an asshole
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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