i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
