I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
