he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
