85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
