Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
