I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
