Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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