I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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