My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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