I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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