You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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