NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
