you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
