im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
