fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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