Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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