She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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