you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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