Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
