I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize