I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
