No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
