I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
