Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
