I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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