Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Randomize
