He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
