What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
