Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
