I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
