Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
