How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
