Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
