I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
